Time For A Change

I guess I will have to appoligize to Obama for this later but IT IS TIME FOR A CHANGE.

I am feeling very good about this year! (I'm sure this will be the kiss of death for my year but who cares). I am looking forward to what is in store for this year. In just two weeks we will be traveling once again to Guatemala to build a few houses in a village down there. I am REALLY looking for ward to seeing the boys while we are down there as well. I have been practicing reading my favorite book in Spanish soI can attempt to read to them while we are there.

I am also looking forward to FINALLY finishing my MASTERS!! It has taken me a few years to get everything in gear to complete it but I will be finished in the Spring! I only started taking classes back in 91 - (18 years isn't that long is it??)

I am also looking forward to my new attitutde! I hate to actually write it out because I know that eventually Brenna will see that I actually posted on my blog and read it but here goes. My New Years Resolutions this year are very simple - The first is to actually do the things I think about doing but have never acted on. There is so much going on inside my head that it is scary sometimes. (Guess it is the ADHD kicking in) I even woke up early the other day and wrote a bunch of stuff down that I was thinking about doing while laying in bed one morning. (Not things I want to do while laying in bed but things I was thinking about WHILE laying in bed - How quickly the mind goes into the gutter!)

My second is to be more PROactive this year. Believe it or not I have a tendency to wait until I HAVE to act on something rather than attacking it BEFORE it gets too late. (Please refer back to my 18 year Masters attempt)

I just noticed that I will have exactly three posts on here (counting this one) One in 07, one in 08, and now one in 09 - Does that mean I ma done for the year????????

Stay tuned for more!?! :-P

New Beginnings

I started this blog quite a while ago and it seems that is where it started and ended. I even got tagged a few times from friends asking me to actually post something on my blog! The nerve! I thought all you had to do was start the blog and the rest would take care of itself. Guess not. :-(

Alot has happened since the last time I wrote on here. The trip to Malaysia was fantastic. (although I am still working on the papers I was supposed to write to get school credit for it - surpruse, surprise)

Just got back from a missions trip to Guatemala. I t breaks my heart to see the people there and it breaks it even more that I have to leave it again.

A new school year has started and my classes are interesting to say the least. I really like my job but sometimes I feel like I am just going through the motions sometimes. Am looking for that spark that I had. That kick in the butt to do something to change the status quo. Brenna was that kick that I needed before in my personal life. And what a kick she was. i am ever grateful that she has entered my life and I sincerely dread the day that she is no longer a part of it. I hope that I am not around when that day comes!

That kinda brings me to the kick in the butt that I just recieved - This past weekend my father passed away. And that old saying just keeps comin to mind. You don't appreciate what you've got until it is gone.

I was asked to write something about my father. - actually I was forced into it. By my mother. Seems that my sister was going to say something for all of us but she couldn't keep it about us and it came out as all about her. (Not that I can blame her) And then both of my brothers said they had something as well. SOOOOOOOOOO you can see where this is going.

I am a very private person - emotionally - God bless Brenna for putting up with me because she certainly is not like me in this. And when I do attempt to "share" I just end up crying like a baby and no one can understand a word I am saying. All I had to do this summer at camp was announce my group and say who recieved what awards and why. Couldn't do it! And I only knew these people for a week. How can they expect me to talk OUTLOUD about my father!

I'm hopeing that by doing this blog today will help me to express - even if it is just on "paper" my feelings. Can't guaruntee it will get voiced outloud - at least not by me. Brenna - bless her heart- has agreed to stand beside me and read it if I can't get through it. Silly girl! I'm not even sure I can stand up there let alone read it! In fact, I am tearing up even now and I haven't even written the silly thing!

Well - here goes nothing.

What can I say about my father? I am very sad to say that we (or least I myself) have never been a very vocal family when it comes to emotions. I don't remember the last time that we told each other that we loved each other. But I never doubted - ever - that my father loved me. He was always there. Always there. Sometimes even when I didn't want him to be there - he was there. He supported us in no matter what we decided to do. It diddn't matter what you were doing. If he could be there - he was there. Every sporting event, band concert, theatrical production. And God knows there were a lot of them. He was there. Even when none of his grandkids were playing in the game. He would come to the games when the team I was coaching would play. AND he would spend hours after the game talking to me about what happened during the game, how each of the kids did, even though he knew most of them only by number or position.

I guess what I am saying is that even though he never said - I KNEW it. He was what every father should strive to be. he was there for me. Always. And it didn't matter what I needed or even thought I needed. If he could help - he was there. With a smile.

Sorry but that song has just been running through my head constantly. (Yes, I'm crying again - what about it!)

Let's get it started

I find myself in the same position as Brenna (my fiance) did last week. I KNOW I should be packing but yet here I am at the computer doing everything BUT packing. That's OK. Anyone who knows me certainly would not be surprised. This week has been pretty busy. I just recently returned from teaching an Environmental Education class up at Horn Point in Cambridge. I had the most awesome time a teacher can have. The kids were focused and willing to learn. PLUS they were just great kids to hang around with and so were the other counselors. I am going to have to reflect on that another time. Right now my focus needs to be my up coming trip.

I have never really been too far from home most of my life. I went to college in the same town that I went to High School. I got a job in the same town. I have lived here ever since. I even just bought a house not too far from my parents house. (It is not as pathetic as it sounds I promise - or is it) We Cancers are homebodies anyways so it shouldn't come as a surprise. All that changed of course after I met my fiance Brenna. (All except buying the house near Mom and Dad's) Brenna has been such a welcome breathe of fresh air into my life. I really think I would have slipped into such a dull routine that I could have bored myself to death. Or worse - just settled for whatever came my way whether I liked it or not. Which I think is worse than total boredom. I have always been a bit of a follower and never one to initiate much in my own. Not any more. Since Brenna - I call it Life AB (After Brenna) - I am not the same person.

First off, I have found the most wonderful church you could ask for. (actually Brenna found it and dragged me there but you didn't need to know that!) Soul Discovery has been quite the eye opener for me. Not being much of a church goer, it was difficult at first. Besides, anyone who knows me knows that if I sit in one spot for too long I WILL fall asleep. and that means ANYWHERE. I even fell asleep sitting on a bar stool at my brother's bachelor party! But I digress! After a few internal bouts with selfishness and an email from Pastor Reid asking me to really look at WHY I am doing what I am doing - Is it for myself or for God? I think I am finally on the right road now. We have met some wonderful people through Soul Discovery especially Steven and Lindsay! It would really take a long time to go into ALL that I have been blessed to receive through Steven and Lindsay. I love these guys like they were my own family. And I kinda feel like a part of theirs. So much so that we have asked them and their entire family to be in our wedding. Well almost - I still haven't talked to Steven about his role yet. I could really go on for a while but I think that will be a blog of its own. (to be continued)

Secondly, we traveled to Guatemala with Soul Discovery this past February. My first time out of the country! What an trip that was. It has changed me forever. Just looking at what we have here compared to what they have is shocking. I have SO taken what I have been blessed with for granted. And I guess that is what God had in mind for me with that trip. I am still not certain where He is going with it but I am looking forward to going again in January. I kinda feel like I am behind everyone else who went. Like they got the concept before we went and built on that while there and it took me going there to get started and now when I go back - I will be where they were when we went the first time. (Does that make any sense at all???)

Thirdly, I have finally become active in finishing my Master's Degree in Education. (Only having started it three times already) My biggest problem has been a lack of focus as to WHAT I wanted to get my Masters in. Now, after going to Guatemala, I think I know where I want to focus my studies. International Education. Which kinda brings me to WHY I started this blog in the first place (Finally - I know) Tonight - actually tomorrow morning at 2 am - I am off to MALAYSIA! I am going in conjunction with a class at Salisbury University to study Science ands Technology in Malaysian schools. I am going with Dr. Robeck (I am still having a problem calling him Ed - I guess it is because I took a class or two with him at SU before I got to know him through his kids at Salisbury Middle. We are also going with a young lady named Andrea. Can't remember her last name. I don't know tons about her. Actually I have only seen her twice but I am sure that after this trip that that will change. She actually teaches at the school where Brenna starts work in the Fall but that is another story as well.

SO - I guess that is all for now! (Thank God!) (I heard that!) If you are still reading this - wow. I have never been much of a writer but man - when it starts flowing out - you can't stop sometimes. I'm not sure who I will be sharing this whole blog thing with. I think I will just let it fly out into cyberspace. After all, I really think I am just writing this for myself anyway. While we were at camp this past week, the kids had to journal every night about their experiences and I totally fought it at first but now I see the sense of reflection you get once you start. Hopefully this will become a regular thing for me. I have much to tell and I really don't care if anyone else but myself reads it.

But now = off to pack for Malaysia! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!