New Beginnings

I started this blog quite a while ago and it seems that is where it started and ended. I even got tagged a few times from friends asking me to actually post something on my blog! The nerve! I thought all you had to do was start the blog and the rest would take care of itself. Guess not. :-(

Alot has happened since the last time I wrote on here. The trip to Malaysia was fantastic. (although I am still working on the papers I was supposed to write to get school credit for it - surpruse, surprise)

Just got back from a missions trip to Guatemala. I t breaks my heart to see the people there and it breaks it even more that I have to leave it again.

A new school year has started and my classes are interesting to say the least. I really like my job but sometimes I feel like I am just going through the motions sometimes. Am looking for that spark that I had. That kick in the butt to do something to change the status quo. Brenna was that kick that I needed before in my personal life. And what a kick she was. i am ever grateful that she has entered my life and I sincerely dread the day that she is no longer a part of it. I hope that I am not around when that day comes!

That kinda brings me to the kick in the butt that I just recieved - This past weekend my father passed away. And that old saying just keeps comin to mind. You don't appreciate what you've got until it is gone.

I was asked to write something about my father. - actually I was forced into it. By my mother. Seems that my sister was going to say something for all of us but she couldn't keep it about us and it came out as all about her. (Not that I can blame her) And then both of my brothers said they had something as well. SOOOOOOOOOO you can see where this is going.

I am a very private person - emotionally - God bless Brenna for putting up with me because she certainly is not like me in this. And when I do attempt to "share" I just end up crying like a baby and no one can understand a word I am saying. All I had to do this summer at camp was announce my group and say who recieved what awards and why. Couldn't do it! And I only knew these people for a week. How can they expect me to talk OUTLOUD about my father!

I'm hopeing that by doing this blog today will help me to express - even if it is just on "paper" my feelings. Can't guaruntee it will get voiced outloud - at least not by me. Brenna - bless her heart- has agreed to stand beside me and read it if I can't get through it. Silly girl! I'm not even sure I can stand up there let alone read it! In fact, I am tearing up even now and I haven't even written the silly thing!

Well - here goes nothing.

What can I say about my father? I am very sad to say that we (or least I myself) have never been a very vocal family when it comes to emotions. I don't remember the last time that we told each other that we loved each other. But I never doubted - ever - that my father loved me. He was always there. Always there. Sometimes even when I didn't want him to be there - he was there. He supported us in no matter what we decided to do. It diddn't matter what you were doing. If he could be there - he was there. Every sporting event, band concert, theatrical production. And God knows there were a lot of them. He was there. Even when none of his grandkids were playing in the game. He would come to the games when the team I was coaching would play. AND he would spend hours after the game talking to me about what happened during the game, how each of the kids did, even though he knew most of them only by number or position.

I guess what I am saying is that even though he never said - I KNEW it. He was what every father should strive to be. he was there for me. Always. And it didn't matter what I needed or even thought I needed. If he could help - he was there. With a smile.

Sorry but that song has just been running through my head constantly. (Yes, I'm crying again - what about it!)